This is in no way meant to undercut @tracy_marq’s amazing list, or even compliment it. These are just some folks that I personally liked (under 20K) that weren’t on hers. Hell, I don’t care if you follow these people or not. Who gives a shit?

1.) @fleshcake: Checking out some of these Target paintings in case I ever move into a butt.

*on a side note, @fleshcake is the King of All Tweeters as far as I’m concerned.

2.) @shiraselko: I refer to male ejaculation as a ballcano.

3.) @coreyhinds: I think I need a new computer. My Documents folder isn’t folding any of my documents.

4.) @OuterJohn: NATURE: After digesting a big meal, a goth kid must build his cocoon. Four weeks later over 1,000 bats emerge.

5.) @jamonthirteen: 1,000 people having fun at an amusement park sounds the same as 1,000 people getting slaughtered at an amusement park.

6.) @HighClassIgoe: Hey media, how about for a change you report some of the “sent a woman a picture of my dick” success stories?

7.) @ixSEANxi: You’re not really famous until a porn star has parodied your name.

8.) @JonasPolsky: I just saw a stripper’s baby with a caterpillar tattoo on its lower back.

9.) @ProdigalSam: At least one of Tilda Swinton’s parents has to be an ostrich.

10.) @flyoverjoel: Nothing in the world is more serious than the deep breath a drunk takes right before they attempt to say something sounding sober.

11.) @parker287: Pretty sure they have KKK meetings at Bass Pro Shop.

12.) @HankLayton: Cool stance, DJs. You look like my mom talking on the phone while doing the dishes.

13.) @UNTRESOR: Nothing tastes as good as being on meth feels.

14.) @DavidKlein5: lol = I’m done texting you for now.

15.) @CynicalJess: I spent tonight watching cop shows in my underwear and eating candy canes for dinner and people are still talking to me like we’re equals

16.) @IanWearsPants: Based on how I react when toast pops out of the toaster I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.

17.) @DropDeadChris: Had to juggle a few things around, but I’m pretty sure I have enough room in my life for at least one more Dave.

18.) @Matt_Tice: If you cover a watermelon in butter and try to vacuum it, it sounds exactly like Newt Gingrich fucking.

19.) @RitleySammich: I do my best proofreading right after I hit send.

20.) @MauriceBlitz: This Oxygen Channel seems pretty legit. All their shows appear to have oxygen in them.

21.) @TheBlessMess: I’m not above faking a brain aneurysm to be moved to the front of a checkout line.

22.) @robfee: Not rewinding your VHS movies after watching only the nude scenes when you were a kid was the original not clearing your browser history.

23.) @NickadooLA: I only read Garfield for the Arbuckles.

24.) @JerryThomas: I am the only guy at this job interview daring enough to wear shoes on his hands.

25.) @thatRamosgirl: There is no cuter way to introduce racism in a movie than having the music on the jukebox suddenly stop.

26.) @TheNardvark: It’s like the inside of Charlie Sheen’s briefcase out there.

27.) @sweet_toof: Sorry about all the typos lately, gays.

28.) @Hadzilla: Squirrel Jam would be a cool name for a squirrel band and/or a really sketchy condiment.

29.) @wheatnik: I just texted the word “hehe” and two inches fell off the end of my penis.

30.) @woodyennui: If you’ve got to kill someone use your left hand so it looks like an accident. 

Ah god, forget it, I quit. This was way more time consuming than I thought it would be. I need a nap.

Posted 24th December, 2011